recount week5 term4

Kia ora

Here is the recount I wrote  for an Asttle writing test in Week 4.  Our teacher marked all our recounts and gave us our scores. Mine came out at Level  3b   which is at the end of year standard for Year Five. I got the most points for language and sentence structure, and the worst points for not including enough ideas (my story was too short). After they were marked we helped each other improve them by reading each other’s recount and talking about them. We also used Revision Assistant to help edit each other’s story and Mrs B added some notes as well. Everyone in our room likes Revision Assistant because it’s easy to understand the marks/ notes that it puts on your writing and so it’s quick for us to go and do the fix-ups.We have to get the spelling, grammar and punctuation practically perfect before we are allowed to publish them here. I hope someone will give me some feedback.

Ka kite ano

Here is my recount

Term 4 2016  recount sample A time with whanau:     `                                                               Name: Jayden

Title:  motorbike riding

Paragraph Plan: 1.getting gear 2.riding 3.finding a jump

Start Writing Here: “Yippee!” I yelled. On a sunny Sunday, Lowis (my cousin), Royston(my brother) and  we were going on the motorbikes because Lowis  wanted a ride.   First, we got our gear on as slow as sloths then started the powerful motorbikes. Lowis was using the Crf70f(Honda), Royston was using a 125 Yamaha and I was using a Crf80f (Honda). Then we were riding around the humongous block. Royston was shifting the sheep like a dog. Once Royston had finished, Lowis zoomed past as fast as a deer. “YIPPEE!” Lowis screamed. “Ow, ouch, ow, ouch!” Lowis fell over and he could not restart his bike but I help him sort it. Later in the day, lowis found a jump and rolled over it as slow as a snail then he was about to do another  jump and then… Aunty Tish came and roared as loud as a lion, “Come in! ”  “Ohh man!” Lowis moaned. In the end we all felt HAPPY and we had an ice block. It was nice and cold.  THE END